Few years ago, I discovered through an online personality test that I am an introvert. You might be wondering “how would you not know that about yourself?” I thought the same thing. But it turns out, I’m an introvert who likes to socialize. Weird, but it really does describe me.
This revelation was extremely helpful for me in understanding myself. Knowing this would have helped me in my 20’s. I tried so hard to be an extrovert… because I thought I was an extrovert… and it was very exhausting… because it turns out… I’m an introvert. Now I’m just laughing at myself.
Sharing my experiences publicly goes against my introvert tendencies. But where we come from, what we have experienced, and who we are, says a lot about our perspective. So I decided to share a little bit about myself so you can better understand my perspective.
I was not a military brat… but kinda…
My dad was in the Army, stationed in Japan. He married my mom and stayed in Japan after he got out. My sister(#2) and I were born in Japan, but didn’t have any connection to the military. We grew up going to Japanese public schools, thinking we were regular Japanese kids (may need a whole other post on this).
My parents split up when we were very young, so we stayed with our mom in Japan for the first half of our childhood, and then moved around the US with my dad and family (including sisters #3 and #4) for the later half of our childhood. We may not have grown up in the military world, but I have seen many parallels between my kids’ childhood and mine.
My post-college career was planned out… until I married into the military…
I went to school to become a database programmer. I worked my way up to secure my first full-time job for a defense contractor, until… well, I think you can guess. I found my person. At age 21, though, I had no plans of getting married any time soon.
But life happens, and when you know, you know. I was married at age 23 and had 3 kids by age 29. So much for my plan. And you know what? It has turned out to be way better than MY plan. Military life lesson #1: Write out your plan – now throw it out the window (but it might end up being better than your plan anyway.)
I fell apart around month #6 of my husband’s first deployment.
Some people tell military spouses “you knew what you were getting into, when you married into the military.” Makes me cringe every time. Nobody knows what it’s like until they experience it for themselves. And frankly, it’s a different experience for each and every person.
I remember a particular low-point during my husband’s first deployment when I was completely exhausted and overwhelmed. He was gone for about 6 months at that point, and my kids were 2, 4 and 6 years old. I looked at my giant pile of laundry, stuck my head in it (don’t worry, it was clean) and I ugly cried… for a while. Then I pulled myself together, and decided I needed to make some changes. I needed to find ways to simplify our military family life. That was a turning point for me, and the start of my simplifying journey.
I couldn’t have done it without the amazing military families I met along the way.
I got a chance to catch up with one of my all-time favorite military couples, who retired several years ago. The husband said to me “Rachel, you know the military is a chapter in your life, right? There’s a whole lot of life after the military. Remember that.” I really appreciated that insight.
Sometimes, when you’re in the thick of it, you forget that this is only a chapter. A big chapter, no doubt, for many of us. But a chapter, nonetheless.
The support military families provide each other is like nothing I’ve seen anywhere else. I am forever grateful for that. It brings me to tears thinking about all the times I’ve seen people lifted up during hard times. I hope that in some small way, this site can provide encouragement. We can find comfort in knowing we’re not alone.