My youngest played on a softball team in a small town right offbase. We were 1 of 2 military families on the team. The rest of the team was made up of a fun group of tight-knit locals. The parents had grown up together, and the kids were growing up together. They did a whole lot of life together outside of softball. It was cool for me to see – because I moved frequently my whole life and I had never experienced anything like that.
Insider vs Outsider
One day, while chatting with the other military spouse, she said “I love that they are so close together, but sometimes I wish I was one of them…” And I understood what she meant. But I was a little surprised at myself that being an outsider in this situation didn’t really bother me.
Sure, I’ve gotten my feelings hurt in the past, not getting included in something. But for some reason, I didn’t expect this group of local families to include me in anything outside of softball. And don’t get me wrong – they were all good to us – the adults and kids alike.
I went home and I started analyzing (overthinking, according to my husband) why it didn’t bother me being an outsider. I can be sensitive, so even I thought it was weird that I was okay with it.
Then I realized there was a simple explanation for our difference. The other spouse grew up in a small town where everybody knew everybody. She grew up an insider. So naturally, it made her sad to be on the outside.
As for me, I grew up as a mixed kid in a homogenous country. I was always an outsider. My sister and I were the only mixed kids in our entire school, and in our neighborhood. As a result, we became used to being outsiders. We ultimately learned to be comfortable with being uncomfortable… granted, not by choice, but through constant, forced practice.
Accidental benefits of being ok with being different
As a military spouse, this lesson has accidentally served me well. I am no better than the spouse that grew up being an insider, not at all. But this is just an example of how different backgrounds and experiences influence our perspective.
I started thinking about the ways in which this lesson has helped me in my simplifying journey. The biggest way in which it has simplified my life is by taming my need to “keep up with the Joneses”. I am okay not having the same things as the people around me. As a result, I do not have the constant need to get the latest and greatest of everything.
I don’t feel the need to have a lifestyle we cannot afford. This mindset has been crucial in simplifying my life.
I am happier not having to keep up with the latest and greatest. As a side benefit, I know that this helps me to reach my long-term financial goals sooner rather than later. And for that, I am grateful – even if the lessons were painful at times. I pursued minimalism, not as a way to save money, but as a way to save my sanity. But I certainly cannot deny the positive financial impact it has had on our family.
Push yourself to get comfortable with being uncomfortable
We don’t get to choose if we grow up as insiders or outsiders. But even if you didn’t grow up as an outsider, you can learn to be okay with being different. Even though I did not realize this as a kid, the more you are out of your comfort zone, the more you learn to deal with being uncomfortable… and eventually being okay with it.
After all, isn’t this what we preach to our teenagers?? It’s okay if you don’t fit in. You’re unique in your own way and there’s a sense of freedom in that.
But the idea of “getting comfortable with being uncomfortable” is something I work on regularly. I may be okay with not fitting in, but there are other areas I am still pushing myself to get out of my comfort zone.
Ironically, this website is proof of that. I am an introvert. I am terrified of posting anything on social media. I don’t like sharing my business with most people. At every opportunity, I am telling myself “what are people going to think?”, “you can’t do this” and “what business do you have writing?” I actually had teachers use my writing as an example of “how not to write.” So that one is not just in my head!
As military families getting stationed all around the world, we have plenty of opportunities to get pushed out of our comfort zone. In what ways have you pushed yourself out of your comfort zone? Or have you nudged a friend out of their comfort zone to help them experience new things? I’d love to hear your experiences!
