Early on in my husband’s military career, we were stationed a few hours drive from my grandparents. At the time, my husband was TDY 50% of the time, so my toddler son and I would often make the drive to go spend time with my grandparents.
Growing up, I adored my Grandma. She spoiled us. She loved all of her grandkids – and she made sure we knew it. Even though I grew up in Japan, my Grandma, who lived in Wyoming, would pack a Christmas box for us in September to make sure we get it in time for Christmas. She made us feel special from halfway around the world.
I remember once, as a kid, I randomly called my Grandma from Japan. I didn’t understand the time difference. It was probably 3AM for her, but she picked up the phone. Oh, and never mind that I didn’t speak any English and she didn’t speak any Japanese… she knew it was me. I remember a whole lot of giggling.
Even as an adult, my Grandma spoiled me. If I said I liked the flavor of yogurt in her refrigerator, you can bet she would stock up the fridge with that flavor yogurt the next time I showed up. And she always had the fancy Haagen Daaz ice cream when we came to visit. My grandparents were not rich, but they were extremely generous with what they had.
My Grandma has been gone since 2017. But to this day, I often think about those visits I would have with my grandparents.
Spending time with my Grandma, as a child, was amazing. I remember baking with her, picking green beans in her yard, and generally getting spoiled. But spending time with my Grandma, as an adult, had a profound impact on my life. Yes, she still spoiled us. But getting to know her as an adult, and understanding why she was the way that she was – was an experience I wouldn’t trade for anything. She will always be my hero.
You might think she was raised, surrounded by love. Afterall, that is what she provided all of us. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Grandma had it rough growing up. She grew up during the Depression. Her mom died when she was 18 months old, after giving birth to my Grandma’s younger sister. Her father served in the military, far away, so she (and her little sister) were bounced around from relatives’ homes.
She married my grandpa at the age of 16 and she had her first child (my Dad) at the age of 17. Both of my grandparents worked very hard to make ends meet as a young family. I am sure it was no small feat.
She said she grew up knowing she was not wanted in these homes. So she made a promise to herself to make sure everybody felt welcome in her home. Anybody that has been a guest at my Grandma’s would tell you she stayed true to her promise.
In fact, one of my favorite stories about my Grandma had to do with my mom moving to the United States from Japan. Traditionally, in Japan, your mother-in-law is someone to be feared. My Grandma knew this. One night, as my mom was helping with the dishes after dinner, she accidentally dropped a glass on the kitchen floor. It shattered. My Grandma saw the terrified look on my Mom’s face and didn’t miss a beat – she deliberately grabbed another glass out of the cupboard and dropped it on the floor too. You don’t have to speak the same language to understand what my Grandma was saying. My parents may not have stayed together, but to this day, my mom remembers my Grandma with so much love.
Fast forward a few years, sitting at the dining table with my Grandma, she would tell me about her younger days. As my Grandpa would chime in, “the good old days were not the good old days… we didn’t even have a microwave.”
Grandma didn’t have a microwave. She didn’t have the Internet or social media. She didn’t have a smartphone or any of these technologies that we rely on so heavily today. Yet she managed to make such a profound impact on our family that we still think of her and miss her something fierce. As far as I am concerned, her life was a life well-lived.
As a mom, I have thought about her a lot. So many times I am overwhelmed by the latest articles on parenting and all that we should be doing for our children. We all want them to have the best life possible. But I feel as though I am drowning in information and expectations I find on the Internet, especially on social media. I see some amazing moms on social media and usually end up feeling like I’m doing my kids a disservice.
But the single most important life lesson that I learned from my Grandma was this – love your family. When you cut out all of the excess noise and distractions surrounding us today, this simple life lesson from Grandma is as important now as it was back in “the good old days.” You don’t need money, you don’t need the highest education, you don’t need the best of everything for your kids… You can make a tremendous impact, simply by letting your family know you love them.
The last time I saw my Grandma, she was in a memory care facility – she needed significant help. My family was about to PCS overseas and I wanted a chance to see her before we moved far away. I walked in that building, fully aware that she may not recognize me.
She was sitting in a dining hall among some of the other residents. As soon as I walked in, our eyes locked and her face lit up – I will never forget her reaction. I sat with her that day. Other residents at the memory care unit commented on how much we looked alike (I’m half Asian, she’s caucasian with striking blue eyes.) We both sat there cracking up, and she would comment on how confused all her neighbors were. Her sense of humor was definitely intact.
She passed away a few months after that. She was loved fiercely by her kids and her grandkids. She never relied on the Internet, social media or a smartphone to make a profound impact on her family. Her mission in life was so simple yet so powerful – love your family.
So on the days that I find myself overwhelmed by the expectations of the world, I will always think of my Grandma. Maybe it doesn’t need to be so complicated. Keep it simple – love your family.
